follow your bliss

today is my mother's birthday. dad and i took her out to this mediterranean place for lunch and we actually had some good conversation. the most interesting of which was this:

i was explaining to mom how my vision has changed over the course of the last semester. my directing class focused a lot on one's personal vision and the journey one takes to help it grow.
on our last day of class, jason (our professor) had us watch a video of jonathan harris, a guy who had already travelled so much and influenced so many simply by doing what jason is always encouraging us to do: "follow your bliss"

jonathan harris talked about three big things in this video. a website he and a friend put together that analyzes how people online are feeling ( www.wefeelfine.org ). a whaling community he spent a week with in the arctic ocean and the pictures he took every five minutes on the dot. and a trip he took to bhutan where he went around to various locals to ask them how happy they felt and what their wishes were.

as i explained each of these things to my parents, i could see mom's face light up at my enthusiasm. here was a guy who couldn't possibly be much older than 30 already trying to change the world and succeeding! it was mind-blowing at how much he had already done with his life.

i know my parents have dreams for me. my dreams are very different. they always have been. when they see some of the work i do in theater, i know they are proud of me. but it is a totally different kind of pride they would have had if i had followed their plans.

so when i talked about jonathan harris and his work and i saw my mother start to glow, i thought long and hard. the things this stranger was doing, the impact he was beginning to make is very similar to the one i want to persue. i want to travel and document and spread knowledge. i feel like mom is starting to understand this.

later, walking back to the car, i also tried to explain the idea of "following your bliss" and dad quoted something he had read in a book titled "The Four Hour Work Week" that supported the idea of figuring out what exactly it is that you want, what makes you happy, and then be realistic as to what you can do with it.

well... isn't that what i've been trying to do? i love the theater. i love that i can do so much with it. i hate that people say it's dying (and are more than usually right). something inside me catches fire when i see a curtain open. inside a theater is one of the very few places where i am totally comfortable. i can laugh as loud as i want. cry as hard. scream as much.

i want more than anything to spend my life there. i figured that out years ago. and i was realistic. i originally wanted to direct or to act. but i knew how difficult it would have been. how many people struggle to survive on that kind of dream. then i started stage managing and i found a new dream. a dream i could live on. one that fulfilled me and kept me close to everything i ever wanted for myself. a dream i was actually very good at.



so... haven't i gotten there? haven't i deserved some kind of understanding from my family? i have tattoos. so what? it's not like that will hold me back from a job that requires me to sit in the dark with a headset on. i have two to three jobs depending on the week. i don't mind. they're all within my field of interest and it keeps the bills paid. and i like to be kept busy.

i just find it very interesting that my father found in a book what i figured out in high school and have been trying to explain to him and mom ever since.

i'm happy with who i am. i like the direction my life is going in. i'm surrounded by people who truly care about me. i'm out of reasons to prove anything to anyone.

and boy, does that feel nice.